What should I do?

I feel like I've been sucked into a deep rut. I work all week, then the weekend is finally here but it's gone too soon and I have to go back to work again. bleh! I'm so tired of work.

So I went to the teacher fair at BYU and it didn't make me feel too optimistic about getting a teaching job. Every district that would be hiring ELED teachers are only hiring around four or five teachers. There had to have been at least 150 ELED teachers at the conference! And there were several districts not hiring any ELED teachers at all. It was quite depressing.

Well, there you have it. And now I see no point in life the way it is now. The only happiness I have is at home and at church. These happy incidents mostly occur on Saturday and Sunday because of my work schedule. Luckily my schedule is due to change on the 3rd of April! I'll be working 10 am to 6:30pm M-R & Sat. I'm not happy about the days off though. I had Friday and Saturday off and my work will let you switch one day off to a Sunday if you want to go to church "for religious reasons." So I figured, ok switch my Friday for Sunday. Easy Peesy. WRONG. All I heard was, "Well we can get you sunday off, but we can't let you have Sat and Sundays. WHAT?! I currently have Sat and Sunday off! Why can't I do the same again? What's their problem? I feel like I'm being punished for wanting Sundays off. GRRRRR! I'm outta there asap! 

Which is also why the teaching job shortage is such gloomy news for me. I needed a light at the end of the tunnel! Now that light feels as though it's been turned off. I think I'm going to cry.  :'(

I'm loving it at the Allred's though. I don't want to leave. They're helping to keep me happy. At least while I'm at home. It feels like the one safe haven amidst my stormy life.

So, do I hold out for a teaching job? Go back to school for a masters? If I do that where will I go? I'm not certain I'd want to go back to the USU singles wards. (too many freshmen) And what should I go into? Obviously ELED wasn't the sure bet that everyone said it would be. I'm not terribly upset about that. Just a little lost. What to do, oh what to do with my life?

Uncertainty

Why is life so hard to figure out. I feel like I have no control over what is going on in my life right now. I can't seem to decide where to go next. Like this: 

or

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

 Do I still want to teach? Will I be happy doing that? I hate being a disciplinarian at school and correcting papers feels like such a waste of time. Parents really put a damper on it too. Not to mention the new ideas of merit pay. It would only increase the emphasis on testing! 

Maybe I'd be happier being a librarian? But then I'd need to go back to school to be able to do that. And if I did, what school would I go to? USU, BYU, somewhere else entirely? Oooo! I just don't know what to do with my life.

Moved on to Fruit Heights

Well al lot has happened in the past two-ish months. I really slacked off in writing, my bad.

So in a nut sheel here's what has happened recently:

-I graduated from USU!!!

-I lost my glasses at graduation. :(

-I got to watch my nephews open their Christmas presents, I realized how spoiled the little brats truly are at this time. (I still love them, but that doesn't change the fact that they're brats!)

-I moved to Fruit Heights with the Allred family. (BLESS THEIR WONDERFUL HEARTS!!)

-I changed singles wards because of the move. Oddly enough, the smaller ward I'm in now actually has more guys than girls! I might actually have a chance here! ;)

-I started working full time again at IHG. (The long hours are killing me!)

-I also started playing volleyball every week and I'm loving it. (I am the worst player there, but it's fun!)

So, um yeah. That's my update. I must say that I am living a much happier life now. I realize that I had been getting more and more depressed and lonely living at my sister's home. Ironic. It's great to be living with people like me. Same values and interests. Acceptance. It's a good feeling.

No, I don't have any idea of where i would be getting a teaching job, so please, please do not ask! I've been hounded about this by several people and it's none of their business! I'll figure it out. Really I will, but I need to be able to do it on my own people!

If you happen to be one of those people, shame on you! JK. I know you're just concerned about me, but it's ok. Things are how they are right now and that's good enough for me. I need time to figure my life out at the moment. I just need to think.

New Moon...okay, i'm back on the bandwagon.

Warning, I am definately-always have been and always will be-a team EDWARD person!

Ok, so I didn't like the first movie all too much. I was not impressed. (yes I know they had a small budget, but still.) This second movie blows it out of the water!

Oh my, loved it! Still have the happy butterflies feeling. I seriously drooled over Edward! Jacob was hot, but still he's not the same! Edward is just soooooo romantic. He's a perfect impossibility. (Mr. Darcy's replacement.)

They did a really goo job at not making this the annoying movie I anticipated. (The book still annoys me!) The screaming people in the audience don't help, but it wasn't too bad. (Right before Jacob takes off his shirt for the first time, this guy in the audience yelled "Wooo!" It was a perfect breaker from all the drooling teenagers.)

I loved the effects in this movies. My hat's off to whomever did the werewolves! They were freaking amazing! No wimpy wolves here, uhn uh! They made me cower a bit. (Especially when one of them looks strait into the camera and growls. Shackles rising! Creepy goodness!)

If you really want the low down on this movie, read Nicole's blog.

I LOVED IT!!!!

-To the critics- Shove off, this movie made bank its first weekend! Suck on that! :p

Just a few weeks now.

Life is going soooo much better this half of student teaching. I like third grade so much more than fifth! They actually want to be there and they love learning. They ask when they can learn more cursive or they get so excited when they get to start learning their multiplication facts. It makes me wonder f I was that excited when I was their age. :)

It also helps that my teacher is simply amazing at what she does. My supervisor told her that she now sees that I'm actually talented at teaching and she just wasn't able to see it in my previous environment. (I'm so happy that she can see how I really am around kids! I hated who I was when I was around my grouchy mentor teacher.) If you ever chance upon this Stacey, thanks for changing me to my new teaching assignment! It's mad a world of difference. I actually feel I can do this now.

My mom talked some sense into me about getting a masters degree. She told me to wait till after i started working with a district, then get my masters. They are less willing to hire someone with a masters because they have to pay them more. Makes perfect sense right? Not really, but whatever. I understand that they don't want to have to pay more money, but you'd think they'd want someone who is more qualified. Just a thought.

We've had SEP conferences the past two nights. I'm so tired!!! But I simply must finish my book!

I've just started reading the Ranger's apprentice series. LOVE IT! Seriously, read them if you get the chance. I just have to say, I fully utilize my local libraries! (both the Salt Lake County and City! I love having two separate systems to get books from!)

So I graduate the 12th of December. I'm probably going to walk too. It will be good for my parents and me. (It's only $30 for the cap and gown, why not!) I'll be the first in my immediate family to graduate from college. I'm excited and nervous to move on with my life. I always thought I'd be married at this point, or at least dating someone a little seriously. *sigh* But since this is not the case, I feel a little off.

It will happen eventually. But I'm so impatient! I hate waiting!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

3 more days and I'm done with 5th grade! WAHOO! I'll really miss the students but not the teacher. She is so frustrating! She says one thing then two weeks later tells me she said the exact opposite and is not happy that I listened to her first instructions. Come on lady! Just because you think you said or did something, doesn't mean that you did! (I swear she's the type of person that thinks about something enough that they think it really happened.)
I spoke to the student teacher in the room next to mine. She'd been an aid at the school for 15yrs prior to this and really knows my teacher well. She said that she was shocked that they'd give a student teacher to her. (among other things) I wish she'd talk to my supervisor about my teacher. It might help me out some. (I only feel slightly attacked when my teacher talks to my supervisor. No biggie.)

Okay! Done with the venting! Promise, for today anyway. I'm reading Stephenie Meyer's book The Host. It's super good! I don't want to write lesson plans! I just want to read. I need to know what happens next! Seriously though, I really can't put off my lesson plans any longer, but i really want to read instead! Drat! i love books way too much!
Nicole, I blame this book on you! Thanks!

Student Teaching

My life has been sucked into the black hole that I call student teaching. It consumes all around it, time foremost.
Okay, so it's really not that bad. Sure there are days where I break down and bawl like a baby after school, but is that any different from when I lived with my grandma? Not really.
Right now I am in a 5th grade classroom. The teacher and I actually have fairly similar personalities. However, we tend to see some things completely different. Like discipline. I hate negative discipline! I fully believe that negative reinforcement only produces more negative behavior and that positive reinforcement can help students a lot!
I feel that my classroom teacher overreacts with some things. Maybe it's because she's supposed to be sitting on the sidelines watching me mess things up. I don't know. I imagine it's difficult to hand your class over to some stranger and let them try to teach things to your students, especially when your name goes on their test results at the end of the school year.
We haven't had the best time so far, and admittedly I'm afraid that her opinion of me isn't very good. It makes me nervous to know that her ideas of me can affect my getting a future job or not. Truthfully, I hope she can overlook my shortcomings. I am still learning after all.
We'll see how the next three weeks go!