Undecided

So, what should I do now? I fell that teaching Elementary isn't right for me. I can do it. I just don't feel like it fits me. Should I go after a librarian certificate? Teach choir, history, something like that? Ugh! I just don't know what to do!

I love learning, is there a profession where I can continue to do that? :)

I just feel like I've been backed into a corner of sorts. I know I don't want to stay in this corner, I don't feel comfortable here. I need to find a place that suits me. What can I spend the rest of my life doing, and it will keep me happy? (obvious answer, reading!)

...Any suggestions? Seriously. My mom and a few others have told me to just teach for a little while anyway. But I don't want to teach elementary. They're cute kids and all, i just don't like where education is headed right now, with merit pay, lack of funding, etc. *sigh* I just don't know!

No joke, really.

So I could have died today on my way to work today. It was scary! I was driving down 215 toward the 201 and had just passed the I-80 interchange when the road started getting wet. Not my favorite driving conditions because of the spray, but still doable. Suddenly (around California Ave) there is snow on the road instead of just wetness. Then there is a completely stopped SUV in front of me about 1000 feet away. I hit the breaks, only to start sliding! I keep tapping them like a mad woman saying, "No, nononononnonono!" I fishtail just before hitting the other vehicle (because I was trying like mad to get into the empty lane next to me but couldn't because of the slide i was in.) Just then they must have noticed me barreling their way and thankfully pulled forward two or three feet. I stopped with an inch or two to spare. I glance in my rear view mirror to see two semis pull quickly off to the right to avoid slamming into the smaller cars (including myself) just in front of them. There were already people who had been in bad accidents and police were there with lights flashing. I immediately thanked the Lord that I was still alive! It was truly a miracle for me.

Needless to say, my heart was beating like a humming bird's and my hands were shaking for the next ten minutes. I must have looked stressed still when i arrived at work. Two ladies that sit by asked me what was wrong and one gave me hug after hearing my ordeal.

Mother Nature played a nasty April fools joke on me.

What should I do?

I feel like I've been sucked into a deep rut. I work all week, then the weekend is finally here but it's gone too soon and I have to go back to work again. bleh! I'm so tired of work.

So I went to the teacher fair at BYU and it didn't make me feel too optimistic about getting a teaching job. Every district that would be hiring ELED teachers are only hiring around four or five teachers. There had to have been at least 150 ELED teachers at the conference! And there were several districts not hiring any ELED teachers at all. It was quite depressing.

Well, there you have it. And now I see no point in life the way it is now. The only happiness I have is at home and at church. These happy incidents mostly occur on Saturday and Sunday because of my work schedule. Luckily my schedule is due to change on the 3rd of April! I'll be working 10 am to 6:30pm M-R & Sat. I'm not happy about the days off though. I had Friday and Saturday off and my work will let you switch one day off to a Sunday if you want to go to church "for religious reasons." So I figured, ok switch my Friday for Sunday. Easy Peesy. WRONG. All I heard was, "Well we can get you sunday off, but we can't let you have Sat and Sundays. WHAT?! I currently have Sat and Sunday off! Why can't I do the same again? What's their problem? I feel like I'm being punished for wanting Sundays off. GRRRRR! I'm outta there asap! 

Which is also why the teaching job shortage is such gloomy news for me. I needed a light at the end of the tunnel! Now that light feels as though it's been turned off. I think I'm going to cry.  :'(

I'm loving it at the Allred's though. I don't want to leave. They're helping to keep me happy. At least while I'm at home. It feels like the one safe haven amidst my stormy life.

So, do I hold out for a teaching job? Go back to school for a masters? If I do that where will I go? I'm not certain I'd want to go back to the USU singles wards. (too many freshmen) And what should I go into? Obviously ELED wasn't the sure bet that everyone said it would be. I'm not terribly upset about that. Just a little lost. What to do, oh what to do with my life?

Uncertainty

Why is life so hard to figure out. I feel like I have no control over what is going on in my life right now. I can't seem to decide where to go next. Like this: 

or

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

 Do I still want to teach? Will I be happy doing that? I hate being a disciplinarian at school and correcting papers feels like such a waste of time. Parents really put a damper on it too. Not to mention the new ideas of merit pay. It would only increase the emphasis on testing! 

Maybe I'd be happier being a librarian? But then I'd need to go back to school to be able to do that. And if I did, what school would I go to? USU, BYU, somewhere else entirely? Oooo! I just don't know what to do with my life.

Moved on to Fruit Heights

Well al lot has happened in the past two-ish months. I really slacked off in writing, my bad.

So in a nut sheel here's what has happened recently:

-I graduated from USU!!!

-I lost my glasses at graduation. :(

-I got to watch my nephews open their Christmas presents, I realized how spoiled the little brats truly are at this time. (I still love them, but that doesn't change the fact that they're brats!)

-I moved to Fruit Heights with the Allred family. (BLESS THEIR WONDERFUL HEARTS!!)

-I changed singles wards because of the move. Oddly enough, the smaller ward I'm in now actually has more guys than girls! I might actually have a chance here! ;)

-I started working full time again at IHG. (The long hours are killing me!)

-I also started playing volleyball every week and I'm loving it. (I am the worst player there, but it's fun!)

So, um yeah. That's my update. I must say that I am living a much happier life now. I realize that I had been getting more and more depressed and lonely living at my sister's home. Ironic. It's great to be living with people like me. Same values and interests. Acceptance. It's a good feeling.

No, I don't have any idea of where i would be getting a teaching job, so please, please do not ask! I've been hounded about this by several people and it's none of their business! I'll figure it out. Really I will, but I need to be able to do it on my own people!

If you happen to be one of those people, shame on you! JK. I know you're just concerned about me, but it's ok. Things are how they are right now and that's good enough for me. I need time to figure my life out at the moment. I just need to think.

New Moon...okay, i'm back on the bandwagon.

Warning, I am definately-always have been and always will be-a team EDWARD person!

Ok, so I didn't like the first movie all too much. I was not impressed. (yes I know they had a small budget, but still.) This second movie blows it out of the water!

Oh my, loved it! Still have the happy butterflies feeling. I seriously drooled over Edward! Jacob was hot, but still he's not the same! Edward is just soooooo romantic. He's a perfect impossibility. (Mr. Darcy's replacement.)

They did a really goo job at not making this the annoying movie I anticipated. (The book still annoys me!) The screaming people in the audience don't help, but it wasn't too bad. (Right before Jacob takes off his shirt for the first time, this guy in the audience yelled "Wooo!" It was a perfect breaker from all the drooling teenagers.)

I loved the effects in this movies. My hat's off to whomever did the werewolves! They were freaking amazing! No wimpy wolves here, uhn uh! They made me cower a bit. (Especially when one of them looks strait into the camera and growls. Shackles rising! Creepy goodness!)

If you really want the low down on this movie, read Nicole's blog.

I LOVED IT!!!!

-To the critics- Shove off, this movie made bank its first weekend! Suck on that! :p

Just a few weeks now.

Life is going soooo much better this half of student teaching. I like third grade so much more than fifth! They actually want to be there and they love learning. They ask when they can learn more cursive or they get so excited when they get to start learning their multiplication facts. It makes me wonder f I was that excited when I was their age. :)

It also helps that my teacher is simply amazing at what she does. My supervisor told her that she now sees that I'm actually talented at teaching and she just wasn't able to see it in my previous environment. (I'm so happy that she can see how I really am around kids! I hated who I was when I was around my grouchy mentor teacher.) If you ever chance upon this Stacey, thanks for changing me to my new teaching assignment! It's mad a world of difference. I actually feel I can do this now.

My mom talked some sense into me about getting a masters degree. She told me to wait till after i started working with a district, then get my masters. They are less willing to hire someone with a masters because they have to pay them more. Makes perfect sense right? Not really, but whatever. I understand that they don't want to have to pay more money, but you'd think they'd want someone who is more qualified. Just a thought.

We've had SEP conferences the past two nights. I'm so tired!!! But I simply must finish my book!

I've just started reading the Ranger's apprentice series. LOVE IT! Seriously, read them if you get the chance. I just have to say, I fully utilize my local libraries! (both the Salt Lake County and City! I love having two separate systems to get books from!)

So I graduate the 12th of December. I'm probably going to walk too. It will be good for my parents and me. (It's only $30 for the cap and gown, why not!) I'll be the first in my immediate family to graduate from college. I'm excited and nervous to move on with my life. I always thought I'd be married at this point, or at least dating someone a little seriously. *sigh* But since this is not the case, I feel a little off.

It will happen eventually. But I'm so impatient! I hate waiting!