Journal vs Blog

I've been trying to finally finish my journal. Thus being said, I've once again ignored my blog! Oh, so difficult, do I blog or go old fashioned and write in my journal? 

There are undoubtedly fans for both sides. I actually do lean towards blogging just for the fact that there is a spell check feature and I can choose the ink color without buying a new pen! But at the same time, I really like adding plane tickets and movie stubs to my journal page. This is not so easy of a task with blogs. You have to scan it in then save it where you can find it on the computer, finally you must upload it to the internet and hope that the file size fits or you'll have to adjust that too! *whew* so much just tot add the plane ticket or picture that proves you really were there!

Either way, I find it hard to keep up on such things. I'm always missing days then trying hopelessly to make up for it by adding multiple blogs at once! 

Done with April

So April was definitely a crazy car month. After almost dying on April Fools day, then losing a windshield wiper while driving in a rain storm. Last Friday just made things even better!

So, we're driving down to Price to go hiking at 9-Mile Canyon. We get to about Lehi when suddenly BAM! The window I'm sitting next to is gone. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen! I was looking out of it at the time. There one second and gone the next. There wasn't even that much glass in the van either. Luckily all I have to show for it is a couple small cuts on my right arm.

We stopped at a car wash and vacuumed up the little amount of glass actually in the car. Then we found a cardboard box and used duct tape to fill in the gap. It worked rather well.

(according to the repairman- air pressure probably forced the window outwards. strange huh?)

Undecided

So, what should I do now? I fell that teaching Elementary isn't right for me. I can do it. I just don't feel like it fits me. Should I go after a librarian certificate? Teach choir, history, something like that? Ugh! I just don't know what to do!

I love learning, is there a profession where I can continue to do that? :)

I just feel like I've been backed into a corner of sorts. I know I don't want to stay in this corner, I don't feel comfortable here. I need to find a place that suits me. What can I spend the rest of my life doing, and it will keep me happy? (obvious answer, reading!)

...Any suggestions? Seriously. My mom and a few others have told me to just teach for a little while anyway. But I don't want to teach elementary. They're cute kids and all, i just don't like where education is headed right now, with merit pay, lack of funding, etc. *sigh* I just don't know!

No joke, really.

So I could have died today on my way to work today. It was scary! I was driving down 215 toward the 201 and had just passed the I-80 interchange when the road started getting wet. Not my favorite driving conditions because of the spray, but still doable. Suddenly (around California Ave) there is snow on the road instead of just wetness. Then there is a completely stopped SUV in front of me about 1000 feet away. I hit the breaks, only to start sliding! I keep tapping them like a mad woman saying, "No, nononononnonono!" I fishtail just before hitting the other vehicle (because I was trying like mad to get into the empty lane next to me but couldn't because of the slide i was in.) Just then they must have noticed me barreling their way and thankfully pulled forward two or three feet. I stopped with an inch or two to spare. I glance in my rear view mirror to see two semis pull quickly off to the right to avoid slamming into the smaller cars (including myself) just in front of them. There were already people who had been in bad accidents and police were there with lights flashing. I immediately thanked the Lord that I was still alive! It was truly a miracle for me.

Needless to say, my heart was beating like a humming bird's and my hands were shaking for the next ten minutes. I must have looked stressed still when i arrived at work. Two ladies that sit by asked me what was wrong and one gave me hug after hearing my ordeal.

Mother Nature played a nasty April fools joke on me.

What should I do?

I feel like I've been sucked into a deep rut. I work all week, then the weekend is finally here but it's gone too soon and I have to go back to work again. bleh! I'm so tired of work.

So I went to the teacher fair at BYU and it didn't make me feel too optimistic about getting a teaching job. Every district that would be hiring ELED teachers are only hiring around four or five teachers. There had to have been at least 150 ELED teachers at the conference! And there were several districts not hiring any ELED teachers at all. It was quite depressing.

Well, there you have it. And now I see no point in life the way it is now. The only happiness I have is at home and at church. These happy incidents mostly occur on Saturday and Sunday because of my work schedule. Luckily my schedule is due to change on the 3rd of April! I'll be working 10 am to 6:30pm M-R & Sat. I'm not happy about the days off though. I had Friday and Saturday off and my work will let you switch one day off to a Sunday if you want to go to church "for religious reasons." So I figured, ok switch my Friday for Sunday. Easy Peesy. WRONG. All I heard was, "Well we can get you sunday off, but we can't let you have Sat and Sundays. WHAT?! I currently have Sat and Sunday off! Why can't I do the same again? What's their problem? I feel like I'm being punished for wanting Sundays off. GRRRRR! I'm outta there asap! 

Which is also why the teaching job shortage is such gloomy news for me. I needed a light at the end of the tunnel! Now that light feels as though it's been turned off. I think I'm going to cry.  :'(

I'm loving it at the Allred's though. I don't want to leave. They're helping to keep me happy. At least while I'm at home. It feels like the one safe haven amidst my stormy life.

So, do I hold out for a teaching job? Go back to school for a masters? If I do that where will I go? I'm not certain I'd want to go back to the USU singles wards. (too many freshmen) And what should I go into? Obviously ELED wasn't the sure bet that everyone said it would be. I'm not terribly upset about that. Just a little lost. What to do, oh what to do with my life?

Uncertainty

Why is life so hard to figure out. I feel like I have no control over what is going on in my life right now. I can't seem to decide where to go next. Like this: 

or

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

 Do I still want to teach? Will I be happy doing that? I hate being a disciplinarian at school and correcting papers feels like such a waste of time. Parents really put a damper on it too. Not to mention the new ideas of merit pay. It would only increase the emphasis on testing! 

Maybe I'd be happier being a librarian? But then I'd need to go back to school to be able to do that. And if I did, what school would I go to? USU, BYU, somewhere else entirely? Oooo! I just don't know what to do with my life.

Moved on to Fruit Heights

Well al lot has happened in the past two-ish months. I really slacked off in writing, my bad.

So in a nut sheel here's what has happened recently:

-I graduated from USU!!!

-I lost my glasses at graduation. :(

-I got to watch my nephews open their Christmas presents, I realized how spoiled the little brats truly are at this time. (I still love them, but that doesn't change the fact that they're brats!)

-I moved to Fruit Heights with the Allred family. (BLESS THEIR WONDERFUL HEARTS!!)

-I changed singles wards because of the move. Oddly enough, the smaller ward I'm in now actually has more guys than girls! I might actually have a chance here! ;)

-I started working full time again at IHG. (The long hours are killing me!)

-I also started playing volleyball every week and I'm loving it. (I am the worst player there, but it's fun!)

So, um yeah. That's my update. I must say that I am living a much happier life now. I realize that I had been getting more and more depressed and lonely living at my sister's home. Ironic. It's great to be living with people like me. Same values and interests. Acceptance. It's a good feeling.

No, I don't have any idea of where i would be getting a teaching job, so please, please do not ask! I've been hounded about this by several people and it's none of their business! I'll figure it out. Really I will, but I need to be able to do it on my own people!

If you happen to be one of those people, shame on you! JK. I know you're just concerned about me, but it's ok. Things are how they are right now and that's good enough for me. I need time to figure my life out at the moment. I just need to think.