Christmas Wishlist

Dear Santa,

I am a poor college student. I've been fairly good this year. All I really want for Christmas is money.
That's right, cold hard cash.

-bluey

Lol. Okay, okay. So truthfully I really am poor but I do have a small list of things I wish I could afford this year and sadly, but truthfully can't. And if you really want to know here:


http://amzn.com/w/1H3L9Q5OIP3RT
or
http://my.barnesandnoble.com/Jessica-Furrows-Christmas-Wishlist/wl/16879145/

I'll eventually get these items either way, but if you really want ideas, there you go!

-me

Happiness :)

OK, so long story short, I'm dating my friend's little brother. Yes he's 4 yrs younger than me, but we don't care! (and girls usually outlive guys anyway!)

 It's been a month and a half already. Wow. It feels a lot longer than that though. But I am a lot happier. It's strange. I always thought that a girl didn't have to have a guy in her life to be happy. But I don't know if I could ever be as happy without him. (sappy, i know.)
I've never been in a relationship like this before. It's exhilarating and scary. I just don't know what to do with myself! When we're together, I feel so much better about myself. But when we're apart, I question everything. I don't always feel good enough. I feel like I need to be better than I am. It's such a roller coaster.

A friend of mine is also dating someone right now. She's a lot of fun. She's the pianist in a choir I sing in and she's actually dating my BF's cousin. It's just so cute to watch them start out. (They've been officially dating for a whole week!) She's my same age and he's younger too. So we chat a bit about the circumstances. It's nice to have someone going through the same madness I am.

Though I must admit, I don't suffer from this insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!

Developments

So, I moved into my apartment for school about a month ago. I thought everything was going to be a walk in the park. (boy was I wrong!)

Two words to describe my anguish: roommate drama. Bleh! No thank you! So, here's the skinny.

Roommate #1 had a guy friend come over on Thursday night. (I wasn't there that weekend and had left a few hours previous.) Problem? Not usually, except the fact that it was just past midnight.

Roommate #2 is kinda freaked by having some stranger over that late at night. So she does what any normal roommate would do and asks R#1 who the fellow is and why he's there. Tells her she's not comfortable having guys in the apartment at that time of night.

R#1 over reacts and says fine, he's leaving don't worry about it.

Saturday morning, R#1 doesn't clean out the shower after using it (a common annoying occurance.) 

R#2 waits for her to come home around lunchtime and asks her to clean it up. 

R#1 freaks out about it. She says that she's not the only one with blonde hair in the apartment. It's isn't always her that leaves the mess in the shower. (Side note. I am the only other person with blond hair in the apartment, however she has platinum blond and mine is a darker blond. So it's obviously her hair in the shower! Gross.) Says she'll clean it up this time. The goes on to say how rude it was of R#2 to make her friend leave on Thursday. They were just watching a movie! R#1 writes an email to the landlord saying how R#2 is bossing her around and not allowing her friends to come to the apartment.

Sunday Afternoon, I come home from a nice weekend away. R#2 pulls me out of the apartment to tell me her side of the story (she still doesn't know about R#1's email.) She swears up and down that she's telling the truth about everything....blah blah blah. Tells me about Thursday and Saturday.

Sunday evening, R#1 tells me her side of the story. She's completely emotional and clearly not mentioning everything. She tells me that R#2 yelled at her on Saturday. (R#2 is a very quiet docile person, i find this hard to believe. Plus the fact that she tried to blame me for the shower, not believable.) She tells me about the email she sent. I tell her to calm down a bit and we figure out that everyone should be free to talk things out on Wednesday.

Monday afternoon, R#2 is upset. Our landlord called and told her to stop bossing people. That she can't decide who we bring over to the apt, etc. (they believe the email.) She's upset because she has lived here for 6 yrs and has a good relationship with the landlord and now they don't believe her side of the story. Her mother - who is living with us, argh- is also upset. (though they claim to not be playing any pity games.

Monday evening. R#1 calls me and asks if I'm at home. (yes) She says she's afraid to come in because R#2 and mom are eating dinner. I say it should be ok. just come in and don't talk to them.

R#2 flips out as soon as she comes in. Saying oh, you're home I guess i have to go eat in my room since i'm making you uncomfortable. (she's saying this all clearly enough that i can hear it at the end of the hall, door shut, music playing.) I come out and ask what the problem is. She apologizes to me and is in the process of moving her things on the table. She complains to me again and says that they are so upset her mother has a fever! (pity? what? Uh huh. whatever) 

And thus it has progressed so far. Both sides trying to drag me to their side. Both sides way too emotional about this. I just pray I can make it til Wednesday!

Everything Is Set, at a Price of course!

I got an apartment today! It's even the one i wanted. Which I find surprising because it's the week before school is starting. That and it's only 250/month for a private room with WIFI included. Not bad at all! and it's just a block away from campus.
Last week I got to go in a "family" vacation to San Diego. I actually came back with a tan! (surprising no?) We had a blast and it was great getting to know my best friend's little brother. (he just got home from serving a 2 year LDS mission to Toronto, Canada.
We went to Sea World, the Wild Animal Park, the San Diego Zoo and the beach. (As well as a few other spots.) It was fun to go everywhere and take a ton of pictures! I'll add the pics as soon as I upload them! :)

 My best pic of a sting ray.

 Sea World! The killer whales were great!

This is the USS Midway. 

 Pretty sunsets on the coast! It was so nice!

 Everyone just strolling around the San Diego Zoo

 Koalas! This little guy to the left was really moving around, weird for a koala.

Well, back to reality. It's been a hectic and costly month! I paid off my car $625, then paid for an extra 1 credit class $305, then had to fix some valve and get an oil change $230. Today I realized that I need to register my car before the end of the month, $70ish. I also paid rent for Sept already, $300 (with deposit). Not to mention my text books that I had to order this week as well, a record low of $83.
Add it all up......drum roll......comes to a grand total of $1613(ish.) And that was all in this one month! eek! I really detest money!

Wahoo!!!!

Great things have been happening this week! 

So, Tuesday night I checked my application status and it said to contact the registrar's office. So I tried to a few times on Wednesday, but no one answered. It's ok though because later that day I get a fantabulous email! You have been accepted...Yay!!!! 

Next I got to start worrying about getting financial aid in time for school. So i send an email to the financial aid office. I get a reply twice. once from the guy in the office telling me that another email is on its way. (huh?) So in an hour or so I get another email. You've been awarded financial aid....Yay again!!!! So I don't have to worry about that now either. 

Now all I have to do is figure out my class schedule and where I'll be living. (bleh) Not my favorite thing to do. But I got two MAJOR things over with this week. (Might I say finally!)

Wonderful, awesome week! 

Oh yeah, and I won $100 at work too. :)

Grad School Delays

Waiting is a very difficult thing for me to do. I'm not an extremely patient person. 

At the end of May I applied for Grad school at USU and I've been waiting for a reply ever since. (I don't feel this to be a very good sign. I just want to know either way and the suspense is killing me. I finally hear back from the department head for which I want to apply. They told me that it's actually so and so of the department that is in charge of this, I'll pass it on to them. Aghhh! Not more waiting. Then 3 or so weeks more went by finally today, on a whim, I decided to-once again-check on the status of the application. What did it say? Contact the admission office! More circles. I just want a response. 

Though I really, really want to go back to USU. Also, I am uncertain what to do with myself if I am not accepted. (I'm trying to be optimistic. right)

And now I'm off to bed, hopefully I'll be able to sleep with the suspense. (I'll have to call tomorrow.) Wish me luck!

Sun Burned + Hat = OK Day

Today I spent roughly two hours of my time driving around the Pineview Reservoir looking for a young adult activity. Granted I was with my friend Rynda, so it was still an enjoyable experience. We even made fun of ourselves at one point. (Rynda and I get on swimmingly, and wished we could find the group to do just that!) Did you know that they charge ten dollars just to park at Pineview? Five seems adequate, right? It just seemed so steep of a price to park your car. Luckily the rangers at the toll booths were nice and let us drive around the lots looking for our group without paying. (Though we were given a time limit at one of the sites.) We eventually just gave up. Coming out of the small valley with little more than a sunburn. (I'm not used to being on the passenger side!) So we opted to go see Iron Man 2 instead. Decent movie really.

Another good thing that happened because of this trip was the finding of a decent hat! Granted I do not own the hat, as it belongs to my friend Rynda, but it exists! I have hope! There are hats out there big enough to cover all my hair and head! (I have a big head.) (And no, I don't mean the opinion of myself/ego.) A friend of hers made it for her. I was allowed to take it home to show my Allred mom. She's a crochet wiz and who knows maybe she'll help me make one. (or if she tires of my impatience she'll make one for me, but I'd like to try.) Rynda says she'd pay to have a few more like hers in more colors. 

Journal vs Blog

I've been trying to finally finish my journal. Thus being said, I've once again ignored my blog! Oh, so difficult, do I blog or go old fashioned and write in my journal? 

There are undoubtedly fans for both sides. I actually do lean towards blogging just for the fact that there is a spell check feature and I can choose the ink color without buying a new pen! But at the same time, I really like adding plane tickets and movie stubs to my journal page. This is not so easy of a task with blogs. You have to scan it in then save it where you can find it on the computer, finally you must upload it to the internet and hope that the file size fits or you'll have to adjust that too! *whew* so much just tot add the plane ticket or picture that proves you really were there!

Either way, I find it hard to keep up on such things. I'm always missing days then trying hopelessly to make up for it by adding multiple blogs at once! 

Done with April

So April was definitely a crazy car month. After almost dying on April Fools day, then losing a windshield wiper while driving in a rain storm. Last Friday just made things even better!

So, we're driving down to Price to go hiking at 9-Mile Canyon. We get to about Lehi when suddenly BAM! The window I'm sitting next to is gone. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen! I was looking out of it at the time. There one second and gone the next. There wasn't even that much glass in the van either. Luckily all I have to show for it is a couple small cuts on my right arm.

We stopped at a car wash and vacuumed up the little amount of glass actually in the car. Then we found a cardboard box and used duct tape to fill in the gap. It worked rather well.

(according to the repairman- air pressure probably forced the window outwards. strange huh?)

Undecided

So, what should I do now? I fell that teaching Elementary isn't right for me. I can do it. I just don't feel like it fits me. Should I go after a librarian certificate? Teach choir, history, something like that? Ugh! I just don't know what to do!

I love learning, is there a profession where I can continue to do that? :)

I just feel like I've been backed into a corner of sorts. I know I don't want to stay in this corner, I don't feel comfortable here. I need to find a place that suits me. What can I spend the rest of my life doing, and it will keep me happy? (obvious answer, reading!)

...Any suggestions? Seriously. My mom and a few others have told me to just teach for a little while anyway. But I don't want to teach elementary. They're cute kids and all, i just don't like where education is headed right now, with merit pay, lack of funding, etc. *sigh* I just don't know!

No joke, really.

So I could have died today on my way to work today. It was scary! I was driving down 215 toward the 201 and had just passed the I-80 interchange when the road started getting wet. Not my favorite driving conditions because of the spray, but still doable. Suddenly (around California Ave) there is snow on the road instead of just wetness. Then there is a completely stopped SUV in front of me about 1000 feet away. I hit the breaks, only to start sliding! I keep tapping them like a mad woman saying, "No, nononononnonono!" I fishtail just before hitting the other vehicle (because I was trying like mad to get into the empty lane next to me but couldn't because of the slide i was in.) Just then they must have noticed me barreling their way and thankfully pulled forward two or three feet. I stopped with an inch or two to spare. I glance in my rear view mirror to see two semis pull quickly off to the right to avoid slamming into the smaller cars (including myself) just in front of them. There were already people who had been in bad accidents and police were there with lights flashing. I immediately thanked the Lord that I was still alive! It was truly a miracle for me.

Needless to say, my heart was beating like a humming bird's and my hands were shaking for the next ten minutes. I must have looked stressed still when i arrived at work. Two ladies that sit by asked me what was wrong and one gave me hug after hearing my ordeal.

Mother Nature played a nasty April fools joke on me.

What should I do?

I feel like I've been sucked into a deep rut. I work all week, then the weekend is finally here but it's gone too soon and I have to go back to work again. bleh! I'm so tired of work.

So I went to the teacher fair at BYU and it didn't make me feel too optimistic about getting a teaching job. Every district that would be hiring ELED teachers are only hiring around four or five teachers. There had to have been at least 150 ELED teachers at the conference! And there were several districts not hiring any ELED teachers at all. It was quite depressing.

Well, there you have it. And now I see no point in life the way it is now. The only happiness I have is at home and at church. These happy incidents mostly occur on Saturday and Sunday because of my work schedule. Luckily my schedule is due to change on the 3rd of April! I'll be working 10 am to 6:30pm M-R & Sat. I'm not happy about the days off though. I had Friday and Saturday off and my work will let you switch one day off to a Sunday if you want to go to church "for religious reasons." So I figured, ok switch my Friday for Sunday. Easy Peesy. WRONG. All I heard was, "Well we can get you sunday off, but we can't let you have Sat and Sundays. WHAT?! I currently have Sat and Sunday off! Why can't I do the same again? What's their problem? I feel like I'm being punished for wanting Sundays off. GRRRRR! I'm outta there asap! 

Which is also why the teaching job shortage is such gloomy news for me. I needed a light at the end of the tunnel! Now that light feels as though it's been turned off. I think I'm going to cry.  :'(

I'm loving it at the Allred's though. I don't want to leave. They're helping to keep me happy. At least while I'm at home. It feels like the one safe haven amidst my stormy life.

So, do I hold out for a teaching job? Go back to school for a masters? If I do that where will I go? I'm not certain I'd want to go back to the USU singles wards. (too many freshmen) And what should I go into? Obviously ELED wasn't the sure bet that everyone said it would be. I'm not terribly upset about that. Just a little lost. What to do, oh what to do with my life?

Uncertainty

Why is life so hard to figure out. I feel like I have no control over what is going on in my life right now. I can't seem to decide where to go next. Like this: 

or

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

 Do I still want to teach? Will I be happy doing that? I hate being a disciplinarian at school and correcting papers feels like such a waste of time. Parents really put a damper on it too. Not to mention the new ideas of merit pay. It would only increase the emphasis on testing! 

Maybe I'd be happier being a librarian? But then I'd need to go back to school to be able to do that. And if I did, what school would I go to? USU, BYU, somewhere else entirely? Oooo! I just don't know what to do with my life.

Moved on to Fruit Heights

Well al lot has happened in the past two-ish months. I really slacked off in writing, my bad.

So in a nut sheel here's what has happened recently:

-I graduated from USU!!!

-I lost my glasses at graduation. :(

-I got to watch my nephews open their Christmas presents, I realized how spoiled the little brats truly are at this time. (I still love them, but that doesn't change the fact that they're brats!)

-I moved to Fruit Heights with the Allred family. (BLESS THEIR WONDERFUL HEARTS!!)

-I changed singles wards because of the move. Oddly enough, the smaller ward I'm in now actually has more guys than girls! I might actually have a chance here! ;)

-I started working full time again at IHG. (The long hours are killing me!)

-I also started playing volleyball every week and I'm loving it. (I am the worst player there, but it's fun!)

So, um yeah. That's my update. I must say that I am living a much happier life now. I realize that I had been getting more and more depressed and lonely living at my sister's home. Ironic. It's great to be living with people like me. Same values and interests. Acceptance. It's a good feeling.

No, I don't have any idea of where i would be getting a teaching job, so please, please do not ask! I've been hounded about this by several people and it's none of their business! I'll figure it out. Really I will, but I need to be able to do it on my own people!

If you happen to be one of those people, shame on you! JK. I know you're just concerned about me, but it's ok. Things are how they are right now and that's good enough for me. I need time to figure my life out at the moment. I just need to think.